On the fly…

It is time to discuss them, my people.

Over the past weekend (for the record, arguably the best weekend of summer. Though Father’s Day in Elyria with three old drunks brings competition), anywho, over the past weekend I had not one, but two unexpected encounters with a species different than that of my own. While I brushed off the first encounter (literally), it was the second face-to-face confrontation (again, literally) that led me to the dontgochasingwaterfalls blog. Let’s start from the beginning…

Following the arrival of the Elyria crew to the lovely put-in-bay island, I received a warning from a local landlord who can only be described as a true elderly pirate who was so esteemed to share his heritage with the world. He asked us young college scholars if we knew what a Mayfly is? Despite his serious look and obvious hope that we would say no, we collectively shook our heads yes. I knew not, what world of confusion I would find myself in that night. Those damn mayflies. What a pointless creature. These small insects live anywhere from 30 minutes to a few days, though they spend most of their lives annoying the shit (excuse my french) out of drunk college kids who are already struggling enough not falling down on the dance floor. Even the English language sees their pointless existence: “Hmmm…Let’s add a month to the only thing they can do. Here’s an insect, let’s name it Decembercrawl.” Through research I found one respectable trait. This creature does actually have two penises and grabs their mates mid-flight. However, not very practical when they spend their lifespan flying their manhood into my back.

I digress. May I take you along to the following day at a lovely outdoor wedding. The sun is setting, the people are smiling, the beer is flowing. In a time of paradise, the uninvited guests have arrived. No, it is not Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, it is our friends by the name of Gnats. Why have they come with no invitation? Why have they waited until it’s Shawn’s turn to eat to have a seat on his cheesy potatoes? Do they believe people are actually waving hello as their hand shakes vigorously in the swarm?

Perhaps I should view Cronenberg’s film production for further answers and pity towards such an undesirable contribution to this world…


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