For Cheaters’, Braggarts’, & Imaginationers’ Eyes Only


On March 10, 2012 the Wicker Park/Bucktown neighborhood will be infiltrated by rival factions of the city’s most deceitful secret agencies in an event being dubbed The Clandestine Quest.

My agency, The Usual Suspects, desperately needs your help, and the cost of failure is nothing less than the future well-being of thousands of Chicago Public School students. Your mission, should you choose to acc— forget it, time is of the essence. Come to terms with it and just accept it, it’s your mission. That mission is to discreetly make your way to the following Uniform Resource Locator on the World Wide Web:

Once there, please donate as much money to our agency as possible. Each dollar will help us secure the best possible intel, and ensure our victory. And, we’re told, it will also ensure that thousands of students across the city continue to receive free writing and tutoring help from 826CHI. (In other words, the more you donate, the more we can “buy” cheating tactics from the Agency to demolish the other teams during the event. And I guess it also goes to a good cause…)

Remember, I’m counting on you. WE ALL ARE.


Agent Dullble O. Syevin.

P.S. Now that you have read the message, this piece of electronic mail and the computer it was read on must be destroyed by any means necessary. Our agents have had success destroying their incriminating computers by taking the device: to the top of a tall building and dropping it; to the middle of a river and drowning it; and to a parade and placing it in the pathway of a large marching
band. Please comply.


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