Who: Extraordinary females like all of YOU
What: Matching tees (and “genes!”)
Where: ANYWHERE in the world
When: Now until Feb 11 (less than a week away!)
Why: International Women’s Day 2012—Showing what we’re made of…LITERALLY.

Greetings, all you ladies out there!

It’s that time again: time for International Women’s Day & uniting under 1 shirt for a great cause! Last year, I had a good friend help me turn a vision for a sisterhood-celebrating shirt into reality, and this year she helped me do it again! I’m spreading the word to see who else wants in on wearing these delightful tees as one in a company of extraordinary females all over the globe, from CA to DC to Korea (!!!!!!). Last year, more than 50 of us united for the cause, and we’re aiming even higher this time around.

So many women in my life have endured tough situations, disheartening setbacks, and seemingly impossible challenges this year, only to remain standing stronger than ever. These women (we all know some like that!) and their stories have inspired this shirt’s design: the double-X chromosome that plays on the word “MOXIE,” which is all about the invigorating resilience so many of us see—and celebrate—every day in the females around us.

We're offering this year's IWD shirt in fitted & non-fitted to suit preferences of all interested parties. Here's the non-fitted for you to behold.

As with last year, we’re all paying a few extra dollars so we can send proceeds from this shirt to an incredible women-focused NPO. This year, I’ve selected Women for Women International, which not only supports and empowers women in war-affected areas but also connects them with other women around the world to build a support network! HOW INCREDIBLE.

Anyone is welcome to take part in our movement, but I will need to have your order by THIS SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11, in order to be able to process it and place it with the group’s. Please comment below or email me (mdull <at> luc.edu) if you have questions or interest in receiving more details!

I think it’s time to “define” our own MOXIE & show the world what we’re made of, from our chromosomes to our core beings. What better day to declare our strength & solidarity than IWD 2012?

(Every other day notwithstanding, of course.)

Though, as I’m sure everyone else knows, this is so much easier said (and hoped for) than actually put into practice. I am so easily distracted, discouraged, frustrated, or entitled at times that I don’t fully live this personal mission. Thankfully, my line of work, my community of people, and my ripe old age (HA!) have allowed me to get better at inhabiting a space of thanksgiving as I go about my daily life. Another thing that has helped: having tools (like poems, faith-sharing friends, and daily “the world is still wonderful!” email subscriptions) has exponentially increased my journey of recognizing the beautiful in the ordinary.

Which leads me to SUGAR. I stumbled into this thinking that, because it was on The Rumpus, it would be a funny, silly little release from an advice columnist that perhaps didn’t even deal with “real” written-in letters and requests. I am so glad– dare I say grateful?– to have been proven wrong.

It turns out that post #90 is the best Sunday night reading one could hope for. I am happy to once again be provided an opportunity to begin my week with an air of appreciation. I suggest that you read a few at a time and come back to it throughout your week(s) to remind yourself that this is why we’re here. I’ll leave you with my favorite sentiment thus far in my reading:

I am grateful for that empty place at the table. I am thankful that sometimes people need not know each other to care for them. We are contributing to the stockpile of love in the universe – whether that’s through writing advice columns or finding gratitude in the hardest moments. What we manifest is who we ultimately become.

—–

See also: My favorite thought EVER on the power of gratitude.

Unheard of in DGCW precedent, I know…but the last one was essentially a Tumblr/tweet and this one is all about a Conquering the World While Wearing Stilettos blog entry that sparked my thoughts. In particular, the focus of my thoughts (and of the WWS post) is this WaPo article on “Mean Girls at Work”– the women who play just as big a role as the hegemonic masculinity that seems to pervade organizations and the business world alike.

I won’t rant too much, because, as the article says, so many YP women have horror stories of unfavorable (and sometimes downright cruel) treatment in both social and work settings, but the concept of the article really touched a nerve for me and took me back to a horrible experience I had during the inaugural meeting of  a planning committee I’d been asked to sit on by one of my mentors (side note: Thank a Mentor day is Thursday, so don’t forget to shout out to those who have guided you in your life journey!).

As the youngest woman (by at least 15 years) sitting around the table, I was already trying to be conscious about contributing in ways that expanded the conversation and brought a new perspective without weighing in on areas I was unable to speak to due to lack of experience. Most of the women around me were extremely encouraging, receptive, and willing to see me as an equal contributor to the process, but during a casual side discussion before the meeting one woman– a key player at a (progressive) higher ed institution– seemed to think it was acceptable to belittle my stance on women’s contribution to society and the prevalence of gender inequality in even the most liberal-seeming settings.

Again, I will spare you many of the details of and feelings from that experience, but let me just say that I held my ground while asking genuine and inquisitive questions that eventually revealed that her standards for education on gender equality are different (read: far less ambitious or advocacy-minded) than her standards are for other forms of social justice, and not because she is dedicating herself to other causes but because she SIMPLY DOESN’T SEE THE NEED FOR DIALOGUE SURROUNDING SEXISM TO EXIST. This experience scared me because this powerful, tenured & titled, fiercly educated, civically-engaged woman’s beliefs parallel the colorblind ideas of “post-racial” society– one of the most effective present-day ways to oppress a people while evading responsibility for said oppression.

International Women’s Day is March 8, and while it is one of my favorite holidays of the year, I do believe there is far too much work in the name of gender equality (and too many causes for celebration of women) to be recognized solely on one singular day per year. I hope my fellow women out there will join me in taking a scrutinizing look at ourselves and recognize ways we, too, are barriers to achieving a more just and equitable world for our daughters (and sons!) to experience.

- – - – -

Epilogue: the woman with whom I’d had the ‘pleasant,’ erm, debate with pre-meeting did not return to the committee meetings for the remainder of the year. I don’t celebrate my missing out on the opportunity to have more conversation or build mutual understanding with her, but I do remain grateful that I was willing to express myself maturely and intelligently enough to stand my ground during our interaction. I only hope that my attempted thoughtfulness in the situation caused her to think twice about the role model and activist she hopes to be for women around here and women who will come after her.

“Where We Gonna Go From Here,” Mat Kearney

“Maybe I Missed the Point,” Jeff Bridges

“Advice,” Jesse Ruben (this is a live version which I don’t prefer, but I couldn’t find a studio version on YouTube.  At least his pre-song banter is charming…?)

“When a Heart Breaks,” Ben Rector

“Call Your Girlfriend,” All versions, from Robyn’s original to SNL’s remake to Erato’s a cappella version to Christopher in Denmark’s charming and heart-melting rendition

“The Guy That Says Goodbye to You is Out of His Mind,” Griffin House

Anyone out there got good suggestions for what to fill my ears with next?

PS– I just love the meaning behind the lyrics of song #2, so I’m going to leave them here for you:

I know somebody whose life is tough.
I help a little, but it isn’t enough
Cuz I go an’ spend money on stupid stuff
When I know he’s strugglin’ to stay above.

An’ I have so many chances to be
The hero I believe’s inside of me
But I get busy and I get distracted
And I do nothin’ when I could’ve acted

I laid low when I could’ve stood high.
I said nothin’ when I should’ve asked why.
I saw somethin’ that I might’ve done and I didn’t,
A chance to speak my truth and I hid it.

Inside, I’d like to believe I’m cool,
Easy to love and hard to fool,
But I know there’s more I could’ve enjoyed.
Sometimes I find myself thinkin’
Maybe I missed the point.

So many times I turned down love,
Stayed in the dark when I could’ve lit it up,
But every time I did take a chance
Makes me happy when I’m lookin’ back

I’m not sayin’ my whole life feels like a joke
But I’ve been a master of mirrors and smoke
And I don’t wanna live
No mo’ without you.

Reading: Bel Canto for my Chicago friends’ book club, mail I’ve received and been neglecting over the past month, Grow Toward the Light in all its goodnessy awesomeness, lots and lots of emails to get rid of my inbox overflow

Watching: my fiber intake, my spirits directly correlate with the temperature of Chicago days, for any news on when HIMYM is new, myself, the insides of a car wash, my students soak info up like a sponge

Wearing: the COOLEST new Ohio-shaped earrings with a star where my beloved CLE is, my “I <3 NPR” and “CLE” shirts that my cool big sis got me for christmas, more reddish-maroon than ever before thanks to my new gloves & hat + dropping temperatures

Wanting: more hours in the day (or less need for sleep) because I’m having too much fun doing other things to waste time sleeping, for easier ways to ask hard questions, to owe less rent every month, bilingual skillz, to reach my yoga prime yet again

I am surrounded by the loveliest, lovingest, loveablest (and love-blessed) people in the world.  Nay, universe.

I have no idea why the fates have had their way with me in such a delightful, positive manner, but I have been overflowing with love from so, so many people the past several weeks.  And, as implied in my opening sentence, I’ve been letting it flow through me with no good way to release it into the world in a reflective way.  I actually started this draft on 4 December (note: that’s 16 days ago).  Whoops.

But since then, my life has been a whirlwind of obligations, visits from all over the world (!!!), self-care time involving immersion into several ridiculously enjoyable books, one-on-ones, fruitful and incredibly supportive e-correspondence with groups of VIPs in my life, and (thankfully) good ol’ quality SLEEP.  It wasn’t until tonight when my spectacular roomie tweeted from her bed a passage from a book she’s reading (it also happens to be by my favorite author) that something inside me sparked and made me want to finish what I’d started more than 2 weeks ago.  Her tweet:

“You invite things to happen.  You open the door.  You inhale.  And if you inhale the chaos, you give the chaos, the chaos gives back.”

And, conversely, if you invite the love, if you invite the strengthening of friendships and relationships and sharing vulnerable parts of oneself and breaking bread and defining community and widening your circle and always hoping for more for others and refusing to settle for the disappointing or sad or standard or boring and seeking growth for your own person and refusing to limit your own horizons because of a little 4-letter “f” word (f-e-a-r), and if you do all of that GENUINELY and INTENTIONALLY and DAILY and RELENTLESSLY, then that, my friends, is exactly the fruit your life will bear.

I can attest that there is no sweeter fruit upon which to feast and nurture oneself.  Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, I have felt so renewed and empowered as of late.

And now, a bullet-pointed shout-out to the many things that have brought me back to the person I want to be recently:

• “Wine Club,” est. Nov 2011
• The magic of Bethlehem Farm, tangible all the way in Chicago during their 2011 Winter Benefit (assist by the lyrics of “All are Welcome” & Loyola Companions memories)
• The most incredible young women I know who uphold an email chain, conquer PT school, earn 2 Master’s degrees, enjoy engagement, and advocate for women everywhere…all #whilewearingstilettos)
• My Schols & the lingering feeling of how it felt to experience true community
• Sisters (again, blood and soul)
• Hand-crafted gifts and organically-woven tales from Macedonia
• My g-chat life, resurrected
• More Love Letters
• Using dimes to get my shoes shined
• Little ones that are now grown ones and oh-so-pride-worthy
• Seeing people follow their passion and make incredible things happen (like my friend and DigDeepWater)
• La nourriture exceptionelle
•  Shared joy for good (and great!) news
• Embracing the unknown
• Small intimate gestures to say “thank you”
• Walk-offs to Robyn with friends new & old
• The versatility of chick peas
• Visitors, visitors, being able to practice hospitality, visitors.

Mmhmm.  I could go on for even longer, but there are a few very special memories that I’m keeping preserved in my own special collection in my heart.

Last night, while making goofy and beautiful holiday cookies with one of my most treasured friends of life, I felt the holiday spirit well up inside of me.  I am not normally a sucker for anything holiday– I believe Christmas often promotes commercial overkill, a return to half-hearted theology and spirituality, and a style of giving that is temporary and forgettable–  but the smell of gingerbread in a cheery light-filled kitchen with a great friend humbled me to a place where I could be open to receiving the season’s graceful simplicity.  As we listed to his years-perfected Pandora station for Christmas music, we shared a knowing smile as “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” began to be crooned. It’s not my favorite song of the season by any stretch of the word.  The older I get, though, the more I am touched and inspired by one line that expresses so fully a common theme in my life, one that I hope will be a very long-lasting montage with which I can identify.  Sinatra sang, “through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow,” and every part of me paused to pay tribute to the beautiful web of support I couldn’t untangle myself from even if I tried (which I have no desire to do anyway).

I am filled to my brim with endless refills for everything those fates have allowed, for all the time and compassion my dearest have invested in my relationships with them, and for the luxuriously rich life I lead which enables me to so actively pursue the simple, pure act of knowing people in their truest forms.

Happy days of celebrating, whatever your cause(s) may be.

Looking out for number one is not a great survival strategy.  We know this intuitively or we wouldn’t tip waiters or stop at red lights.  Game theorists discovered years ago that cooperative strategies usually produce the most success.  Computer models show that the top dog isn’t the most ruthless; it’s the one who reciprocates.  Math proves the golden rule.

There were conditions, of course.  If you’re “nice”– that is, if you cooperate– but your competition responds with lying or cheating, you have to retaliate.  (Forgiveness is part of the equation, too, though.  Slap the wrist and move on.)

The theory got more support when evolutionary biologists started noticing how important cooperation is to evolution.  “If I am willing to let others have a slightly bigger share of the pie, then people will want to share pies with me,” wrote Harvard researcher Martin Nowak.  “Generosity bakes successful deals.”  In other words, a social group that plays by these rules becomes a kind of superorganism.  (Like an any colony– or Twitter.)  That’s especially true in a globally integrated world.  So unless you’ve got a ship packed for Mars, best to play nice.

fingerless gloves
being paid monthly instead of biweekly
the amount of time i give myself to sleep each night
republican presidential candidates
TJ’s mayo (it’s seriously repulsive)
my non-existent laundry drying rack
canon’s horrible turnaround time re: tax-exept accounts
jbiebs’ “mistletoe” song– i add this lovingly, as i adore him
wbez’s traffic reports that lie to me about traffic on the kennedy

Things totally cutting it:

my 220 rockstar students
re-acclimating myself to the written worlds of journaling and penpals
dorian’s new cat foot (my opinion, def not hers)
vegetarian options on fall menus at local restaurants
the knitting bug, which has officially bitten me again
new friends, gateways to new communities of friends
TJ’s chai latte powder mix
the many beautiful group email chains i’m currently engaged in
all of the books i’ve been getting through for 26books
my gcal and everything it keeps straight

I by no means want to underplay the immense, incalculable sacrifices that SO, SO many have made in our country, in the name of our freedom and safety and future.  As a civilian with no military parents, it is hard for me to even fathom the selflessness, the danger, the time away from home, the hours of worry over deployment, the physical sacrifices made in training and on-duty, the constant moving around, the emotional and mental strain…it is unimaginable for those who have never experienced it firsthand, and I am amazed at those able to live this as their life missions.  Gracias, veterans and those who are still somewhere in the world making these sacrifices as I write.

But every Veterans Day, I can’t help but think of my incredible journey with the foot soldiers of nonviolence and peace-building in the recent years of my life.  I think of the death tolls (of ALL sides of the conflicts in which we’ve engaged as a nation), the destruction wrought on lands of war, the incredibly inadequate care those who give everything they have to protecting American rights (and the fact that they are deprived of what I believe to be basic human rights upon return)…and I have to ask: why do we honor our servicepeople in this way?

We wave a flag, we post a grateful Facebook status, we kiss or hug our grandpa or mom or sibling or significant other, we (well, some of you, at least) get the day off from work and use it for nothing more than to complain about the first snow of the year happening that day (I’m looking at you, Cleveland).  If we so value the gifts of freedom and life they are toiling– DYING– over, why is this the way to recognize them?  What about something a little more substantial, a little more permanent and sacrificial on our own parts?

What about promoting peace?  This would be an ultimate sign of gratitude and thanks– ensuring that no one will ever have to do as much as these veterans have done ever again because we as a society are committing ourselves to defending the people of the world and their rights in a way that costs no one blood from their bodies and threats of their personal safety levels.

When we continue to do nothing but those semi-hollow gestures of gratitude, we perpetuate war—and, worse, the need for it.  We promote bloodshed, sending young people to foreign lands where they will place themselves in dangers unforseen.  And they are not the only ones who pay the toll, nor are their loved ones. President Eisenhower once said so eloquently:

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of [or in defense of; MDull's thoughts] life at all in any true sense.”

For you RENT fans out there, “La Vie Boheme” wisely warns that “the opposite of war isn’t peace, it’s creation.”  (I would insert that true peace, in its essence, IS creation, or that the creation of peace is perhaps the most antonymous idea there is to war…) What are we creating that will put an end to war?  Let me rephrase that: what are YOU creating– TODAY, on VETERANS DAY 2011– that will put an end to war and prove to be the most thoughtful, heartfelt form of thanks to the women and men laying their lives on the line each day of each year for centuries of US existence?

I am blessed with a job that gives me a forum to speak to and learn about peace from some of the brightest minds in the world: young people.  Without worrying about the burdens of the “possible” and the “logistically likely,” these students are free to dream, free to creatively think of out-of-the-box solutions to problems seemingly too large to tackle.  Today, we are examining peace and reconciliation, both biblically and within their school community.  I am choosing to create dialogue, to create a safe space, to build a common ground for those who so willingly embrace it as an alternative to hatred and violence.  I am not naïve enough to believe that dialogue in 1 school will end war, but it is a truthful, realistic step in that direction.  The more we talk through our problems, the less we will use human beings pulling triggers as a shield for what we are too afraid to do: TAKE ACTION (and prevent the escalation of conflicts to the point where a body count is the only thing being created).

So to my grandfather, my uncle, all of my once-uniformed cousins, and the many friends and classmates who have stepped to (and continue to step to) the military lines in the world, this one’s for you, and may we soon reach a time and place in the world where people will cease to endure the struggles, sacrifices, and pain you have seen in your service.

Happy Veterans Day.  May you celebrate meaningfully.

—-

“Why should we send our children to die because our leaders can’t solve our problems by talking?” -Rachel Ben Dor